


The way he felt to

by jxkliara



Series: Ways [2]
Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Daesung is a sunshine, I'm Sorry, Jiyong and Seunghyun are blind and suffering, M/M, Seungri is a good friend, Youngbae need to fix up things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 01:47:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10652421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxkliara/pseuds/jxkliara
Summary: Jiyong thought and found that he didn't have an answer. He never knew why. He knew that he always was around Seunghyun, and he always knew that everybody thought that he always kind of orbited around Seunghyun





	The way he felt to

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there. I'm sorry about the wait, I was in a damn writer's block and this took longer than I expected. 
> 
> Well, no more wait now, here's the second part of ways series
> 
> Hope all you enjoy :)
> 
> Warning: the italic ones are Jiyong's flashbacks.

Jiyong woke up with a massive headache. He cursed in his breath because even move was making the pain worse. He didn't remember drink so much the other night. Of course he had drank, but he didn't think he had drank that much.

He started to remember a few things about the other night, important things he thought.

 

 

_Jiyong arrived at the party with the others and he thought that he couldn't be more happy. It's been a long time since he and his boys didn't party together. Just in that moment, when he saw the people receiving them and he saw the others smiling happily, he knew how much he had been missing this._

_Even that the boys wouldn't be around all the time, he was happy. Because he knew that they were there, partying, having fun, and he knew that all of them deserved that. So he was happy._

_See the others happy, having fun and a little break to the problems always did Jiyong happy._

 

 

He stood up slowly, taking his time, because his head was about to explode. Making his way to the bathroom, thinking that his head shouldn't be ache this much and he shouldn't be feeling so much hangover, because he had sure that he didn't drink so much.

Finishing in the bathroom, he made his way to the kitchen to find Daesung already making their breakfast. At least the food was smelling well.

When Daesung notice Jiyong, he smiled happly, that bright smile, which could make anyone day. "Moning, hyung. Did you sleep well?"

"I think so, but my head aches like hell. Did I drank so much other night?"

Daesung looked at his hyung and thought for a moment, maybe trying to remember how much he saw Jiyong drink. "Oh, hyung, I don't think you drank so much, actually, Seungri did, Seungri drank as hell."

Jiyong laughed a little. Seungri drink more than he, that was new.

"About the others, did they wake up?"

"Oh no, Seungri is passed out in our room, Youngbae and Seunghyun I don't know, but I think that they are still sleeping."

Listening Daesung say the name of the two made Jiyong think that he had something he had to remember, really remember about the other night, but he couldn't. He sighed.

Daesung asked if he wanted some coffee, Jiyong only nodded. Putting some in a mug and giving it to Jiyong, Daesung remembered something he wanted to ask, something what was bothering him.

"Hyung, let me ask something?"

"Go ahead, dude."

"Do you know if is something wrong with Seunghyun hyung? I don't know, I think he is kind weird."

 

 

_Sitting in a corner, Jiyong was drinking and watching Seunghyun on the other side, sitting alone. He didn't know when he started to watch his hyung, neither if he was watching for a long time. He just was._

_He knew how much tired and sad Seunghyun was, and he couldn't get his right. Seunghyun was in so much pressure, about their recent comeback, about his enlistment. He knew that the tall male had his reasons to be this way. But he also knew that a party was the best thing to make Seunghyun better. He liked to party, not as much as Jiyong himself, but he did._

_But he didn't seem enjoying so much the party. Actually, he seemed very uncomfortable, and this was something very new. Seunghyun never felt himself uncomfortable in a party, maybe shifted, but never uncomfortable._

_And that caught Jiyong off his guard._

_Because was something wrong with the older, but he didn't know what._

 

 

Jiyong didn't know. As much as he thought, he couldn't know what was wrong with Seunghyun.

As much as he couldn't remember what he had to remember about the other night. "I don't know, Daesung-ah." He sighed looking at Daesung's face. He was very worried about his hyung.

Daesung smiled at him, a smile kind of "don't worry, we will find out". Jiyong really loved the younger because of that.

Jiyong was about to stood up when he saw Seungri entering the kitchen, seemed so much more hangover than him.

"Morning maknae."

"Shit, speak lower, man."

"Someone is dying." Jiyong said smirking.

Seungri made is way and sat on the chair in front of Jiyong. Daesung gave him a mug full of coffee, what made Seungri smile happly. That was what he needed.

The other two watched their maknae drink the coffee, and saw it better Seungri's mood. The maknae, as well Seunghyun, were a such coffee addiction, then coffee was the solution to everything for them, especially for their bad moods.

And Jiyong always thought that was very funny, because sometimes, when their maknae and hyung were in a bad mood together, It was only necessary two big mugs of coffee to make the thing good again.

Since then, always had coffee wherever they were. For self-preservation, of course.

Deep in his thoughts, Jiyong almost didn't notice the way Seungri was looking him. Jiyong thought about say something, but Seungri was faster.

"So, hyung, how are you?"

"Well, with a massive headache and feeling myself fucking hangover, but I think I'm fine."

But Seungri kept look at him, like Jiyong barely had answered him. He was confused.

Then something seemed click in Jiyong's mind. He wasn't talking about his hangover. He was talking about what they talked other night.

 

 

_He always liked the feeling he felt in party. The way his mind was blank when he entered in a party. The good feeling he always felt when he saw all the people enjoy the moment as if don't have tomorrow._

_He think in party as a escape. From problems, from stress, from reality, The thing that he always need. That was why, when he always can, he was in a party. Because he needed that relief what party brought to him._

_You could think, what a way to find relief. But who are you to judge him?_

_For him, in party you can be whatever you are, whatever you want. Let yourself be free for once, leave your worries behind for one night and enjoy yourself. For him, in party you can be just you, without afraid, without judgement, and was that what he needed from time to time._

_With a bottle of beer in a hand, he kept himself in the corner of the bar, watching, and he almost didn't notice when Seungri sat by his side. Almost, because the maknae didn't waste time to taking Jiyong off his thoughts._

_"Hyung, you are staring."_

_"W-what? What are you talking about? And when you arrived?"_

_"Just minutes ago, and you know what I'm talking about, don't try to fool me."_

_Jiyong just sighed and closed his eyes. The maknae knew him more he'd like to._

_" So, tell me, why are you always watching Seunghyun hyung? Actually, just watching him?"_

_Jiyong thought and found that he didn't have an answer. He never knew why. He knew that he always was around Seunghyun, and he always knew that everybody thought that he always kind of orbited around Seunghyun._

_Seunghyun always had something what attracted Jiyong to him, something strong, something unknow, and Jiyong never thought about what was it, he never questioned this "attraction", and he never wanted to stop this. Because he liked the way his heart beats faster when Seunghyun was close, the way his body burned when Seunghyun touched him, the way he almost lost himself every time Seunghyun looked into his eyes with his stronge gaze._

_Maybe Jiyong always orbited Seunghyun because he liked the boy with his whole heart and never knew a way to stop just orbit around him._

_Well, he knew a way but was too much coward. "I don't know, Seungri-ah."_

_"I guess you know why, but are afraid to admit."_

_"Maybe."_

_"If so, I just have a simples thing to tell you. Don't let fear stop you, hyung. Maybe fear is just making you waste your time. And you know, time is short so don't waste it." Seungri who was still looking at Jiyong, just stood up and smiled at his hyung._

 

 

Seungri smiled looking Jiyong, who was lost in his thoughts once again. "Well, your silence anwsered me. I don't want and I don't will press you, hyung. But think about what I said to you and choose to do what's right. Okay. You know I love you."

"I know, thank you. I love you too."

Seungri kissed Jiyong's forehead before he make his way to his room. Jiyong felt Daesung's eyes on him. He looked at the younger and smiled at him. Daesung seemed understand and just smiled back, letting his hyung go back to his room.

Jiyong distracted himself with his mug still full with coffee. The smell of coffee always calmed his feelings.

Coffee reminded himself of Seunghyun.  
Seunghyun sometimes smelled like coffee.

Seunghyun…

Jiyong felt his head ache so much more when he saw Seunghyun and Youngbae leaving the older's room together. It was then that he remembered

 

 

_The house was very dark and quiet when he arrived. Maybe because he had arrived very late and the others were already sleeping._

_He laughed of himself when he saw that he was drunk enough to cannot open the door. He tried to open the damn door for some minutes until he finally get the door open. In that time he was almost dying with laughter._

_He thought that he was a very pathetic boy._

_He left his shoes in the door and made his way to his room, a bit tottering because he was drunk after all._

_In the hallway, he saw the door of Seunghyun's room a little open and the urge to check the boy consumed him._

_He walked with quiet steps and when he took the doorknob and opened the door he froze, because Seunghyun was sleeping in Youngbae's arms and that broke his heart because the older always refused to sleep with him with the passage of time and he never knew why. And seeing him sleeping with his best friend made he think that maybe he just didn't want to sleep with him because he didn't like him._

_Jiyong's tears was coming and he didn't want to keep looking at it, because he was sad, he was angry, jealousy and he thought he didn't have the right since Seunghyun was nothing more than a friend and Youngbae didn't deserve the rage because this wasn't his fault and he didn't know anything about Jiyong's feelings._

_He closed the door and kept making his way to his room, now he didn't hold the tears anymore, thinking with himself how fucking pathetic he was._

 

 

Jiyong kept looking at the two, stuck in the same place waiting the two notice to his presence. They were still sleepy but they were smiling at each other and Jiyong was feeling himself sick.

Seunghyun was the first who noticed Jiyong on the way, and the way the older's face fell Youngbae already knew who was in the way.

The air was tense and they were looking at each other in a awkward silence. Youngbae was who tried to break the ice.

"Oh, good morning, Jiyong-ah, you slept well?"

"Not as I would like and you? I guess so."

Youngbae swallowed dry when he noticed how Jiyong's voice sounded bitter. He thought that Jiyong was misunderstanding things in his head, but he choose to say nothing now. "I slept well, Jiyoung-ah"

And then Jiyong and Seunghyun's eyes locked and the air was tense like hell. Neither of them was smiling, and they were looking at each other so intensely as they could suck each other soul just with their eyes. Youngbae was almost going into panic in the middle of that.

And when they said good moning at each other in the same time, their voices sounded so weak, so broken, so sad that made Youngbae's heart ache because they were suffering for each other but they weren't seeing it. Because they were blind of fear, blind of rejection.

And with that, the two did their way, distancing of each other, leaving Youngbae behind, feeling the urge to make something to help his friends. Something to fix up things between them.


End file.
